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Dating Men as a Queer Woman: A Rant

Written by Bailey Wilson

As a queer woman who likes both men and women, I often find myself trying to prove to the world that I’m queer. I know I shouldn’t listen to the ignorant people that claim “it’s just a phase” or that “I just like the attention” because I know they are wrong… but it doesn’t mean these phrases don’t still have an impact. So… ultimately, when I date a cis straight man, part of me is relieved that I don’t have to prove my relationship to the world because, in this heteronormative society, that is the only type of relationship that is immediately accepted, no questions asked. But when this relationship ends, I find myself trying to prove to the world that I like women again, because so many people want to assume I am straight if I’m in a heterosexual relationship. But I know that I am just as much queer when I date a man vs a woman vs a non-binary person or anyone else. This constant battle between I know morally what is right, but what they said still hurts is hard; but I am valid in feeling those two feelings and I think that is what makes us imperfect as humans. We can feel so many specific emotions at once, and that is beautiful, and we should not fault ourselves for it. But it doesn’t mean it won’t still suck to feel like that. Therefore, I love dating men, but I also hate it and I hate feeling the pressure to prove to the world that I’m queer.

Although, there are many people in my life who do accept me as a queer person, and I don’t have to prove to them that I’m queer regardless of who I’m involved with romantically. But…those nasty stereotypes and the ignorant things that have been said to me still deep down have an impact, so this is your reminder to be kind to people and to remember that what can seem harmless to you can really impact someone else.

Love and Peace,

Bailey Wilson


What is your experience with dating men as a Queer woman? Do you find solace appearing as a heterosexual couple? Do you find dating men easier than women because of homophobia or heteronormativity? Let us know! Comment and share your experience or write your own story!

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