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Homie Homos: The Importance of Queer Friends

This post is dedicated to one of my best friends and favourite humans on earth, Paisia Warhaft. Happy frkn 20th birthday baby!!๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿ•บ ๐ŸŽ‚ ๐ŸŽˆ




Paisia and I matched on Tinder on September 7th 2020 at 2:46pm, and immediately connected over the fact that we had the same anthem on our profile: "Short Skirt / Long Jacket" by CAKE. (one of the best songs ever and also just happens to list everything I want in a woman).๐Ÿ˜‹


I thought Paisia and I were on the brink of uhauling because, allegedly, we wanted the exact same thing... a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket. BUT, neither of us wear skirts so we decided to be friends.Well, we came to the mutual decision after she bought me a Sarah Vaughan record, "My Heart Sings" that she now claims wasn't her way of confessing her undying love for me??? but I still don't believe her. ๐Ÿค”


Anyways, this is not about Paisia and I's failed love story: this is about the importance of queer friends... which she just happens to be one of mine now. ๐Ÿคฉ


Having queer friends as a queer person is non-negotiable. You need them in your life. Like you need water๐Ÿ˜œ


**"Why, Alexa?? My straight girl friends are great at giving me girl advice"**๐Ÿคจ


Maybe they are!! But, a queer friend understands you like no other. Why would you ask your english teacher a question about chemistry, when you could go find a chemistry teacher? My point exactly. ๐Ÿ˜Ž


Queer friends have gaydar, queer friends understand dynamics in gay relationships, queer friends care about your queerness. And most importantly, queer friends are queer and can give you the best queer advice!๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅฐ


So, how do you get queer friends?? Honestly, I'm not the best person to ask because almost all of my queer friends are failed romances, who have now turned into friends. Which, by the way, is a perfectly fine way to acquire queer mates. HOWEVER, there are a few rules when transitioning from a more than friends relationship to a platonic relationship:

  1. Communicate your intentions

  • If you vibe with someone you've been talking to or seeing, but you don't think there is romantic or sexual chemistry but you still like them as a person: consider having one of those lovely friend zoning conversations. ๐Ÿ‘ฏโ€โ™€๏ธ

  • Say something along the lines of, "Hey, I think you're so damn cool! But, I think we would be dope friends instead of exploring anything more. You down??!"

2. Make Sure there are no feelings on the other side, despite their agreement to stay friends

  • If you sense your "friend" is extra jealous once you tell them about new partners or they drop hints of feelings.. maybe its better to have another conversation or set some boundaries. ๐Ÿ’”

  • If your friend does have feelings, decide whether it is wise or not to take a friendship break: queers know the feeling of being in love with your straight friend all too well!!!! BREAKING: It hurts even more when your friend is queer and is actually attracted to same-sex but still doesn't want you. ๐Ÿ˜ญ


Friend-zoning potential partners isn't just the only method you can use to get your gay girl gang going!!

You can:

  • Join queer groups online or group chats๐Ÿ“ฑ

  • Join clubs at your school ๐Ÿซ

  • Use your gaydar and become friendly with queer presenting peers at school๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿผโ€๐ŸŽคand then they might tell you what's up!

  • Go to gay bars and mingle ๐Ÿบ

  • Reach out to people you know are queer and kindle a friendship that way!

Trust me on this one: once you acquire at least one queer friend, you will feel understood and can talk freely about queer experiences without having to explain everything to your straight friends!! ๐Ÿ˜ป (ya, imagine not having to explain why that squirrel running across the road is gay ๐Ÿฟ)


And of course, Bailey and I (co-founders of All Love, All Ways) would love to be your queer friend, so don't hesitate to reach out and say hey!โ˜บ๏ธโ˜บ๏ธ We are always available to chat:)


--Alexa โค๏ธ๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’œ






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