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Lesbian Sex: Body Image and Body Dysmorphia

Updated: Sep 29, 2022

Hi, I'm [anon] and I struggle with body dysmorphia-- and my body dysmorphia directly affected my sex life as a lesbian woman. Let's talk about it🤠

For those who are unfamiliar with the term, body dysmorphia is a mental health disorder that is characterized by constant, debilitating thoughts about self-perceived flaws in your appearance. Body dysmorphia looks different for everyone: some fixate on the contour of their nose,👃🏻 others may fixate on their muscular physique and definition 💪🏻. Yet, all sufferers experience one thing in common: Body dysmorphia always negatively impacts your social life in some way, shape, or form.

My experience with body dysmorphia concerned (maybe still concerns) my body weight, shape, and BMI-- which directly correlated with my disordered eating. At my lowest points (both mentally and BMI), I both avoided and fixated on mirrors and reflective surfaces, avoided taking pictures of myself, 📸 avoided showering, 🧼 hated sitting down to watch my thighs expand in my chair, and often cancelled social events. My perception of my body was so skewed, that I didn't recognize my body in the mirror at times. Despite my major improvements with body image today, mirrors and picture-taking are still quite scary for me.

Mirrors can be "skinny" or "fat", and pictures can be taken on peoples "good side". Getting caught on the wrong side of both experiences not only scared me, but also contributed to my wavering perceptions of my body. But let's be real, to me, I would never have a good side. 🐘

However, there was one experience that placed me face-face, or perhaps its more accurate to say skin-skin, with the "real" size of my body: sex. Lesbian sex. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

While this experience can happen during heterosexual sex, lesbian sex produces a more dramatic effect as the imagery of two naked women is way easier to "compare" than a man and woman.

My body dysmorphia transformed my experience and perception of sex from a beautiful, intimate, pleasurable bonding experience, into something FUCKED UP.😱

During my lowest points, the good parts of sex were completely removed, and replaced with paranoia and anxiety. I found myself excessively worrying about my flaws: from the way I looked in certain positions, to being paranoid if i missed any spots shaving, my "fat" and even my muscle definition. Before a date or hang out with a girl, I would purposely skip meals, use diuretics (energy drinks, coffee, tea, alcohol) to lose water weight and excessively exercise in order to "change" my physical appearance.

The worst part was during the deed: I found myself actively comparing my body to my partner. Irrational thoughts would flood into my head, which I must be clear, we're never about my partner and always about me. If I could admire other women's bodies, then why couldn't I at least tolerate my own? How come I never judge other women, but I judge myself to the point of harm?

One particular moment will forever stick with me, the moment I knew my body dysmorphia was worse than i thought. I was laying beside a girl who was the same height and of a very similar body frame as me--a perfect comparison device..not!!😤 I found myself comparing the size of our thighs, and I was disgusted with myself. This girl, who was very small and slim, had larger thighs than me. At this moment, I didn't just realize how skewed my body image and perception was, but I also felt like I was disrespecting this beautiful woman. 😣

Body dysmorphia during lesbian sex can also manifest in various other harmful ways, other than concerns wit body size and BMI: comparing genitalia, breast sizes and shapes, body hair, and even insecurities about tasting bad?? 🐵

The sexualization of lesbians also perpetuate body image issues and body dysmorphia during lesbian sex. As popular media and porn popularize, lesbian sex is often portrayed as a performance for the male gaze. Did y'all know lesbian porn is among the most popular type of porn in the world??????

Lesbian porn is not an accurate representation of lesbian sex, and they almost always contain two women with "perfect" bodies, performing acts that are not realistic for most lesbians due to body incompatibility. BREAKING: MOST WOMEN LOVING WOMEN SEX DOES NOT INVOLVE SCISSORING!!

DISCLAIMER: if you have similar experiences, please check in with yourself to understand what is causing it and you may require medical help. 👩🏻‍⚕️ Body image issues can suggest a deeper problem. Please get help, and please continue to raise awareness to taboo topics like this! Queer sex is not talked about enough! 😎

As always, let me know what you think! Do you find yourself in dangerous modes of comparison while having sex with female-identifying partners?


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תגובה אחת

Bailey Wilson
Bailey Wilson
12 בדצמ׳ 2021

I am so proud of you for talking about this because I know how difficult it can be to not just admit to yourself you have a problem but to tell the world is next level. I agree that true lesbian sex is not talked about enough and all we hear about in media is lesbian porn. This is really damaging especially to a woman trying to learn what lesbian sex really is, IT IS NOT WHAT PORN PORTRAYS!!! I encourage you and anyone else who has sex, whether it be straight, gay, lesbian, or anything else... tell your partner how beautiful they are, even if it's a hook up, I think if you're comfortable enough to have sex, you…

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